I make a habit of losing myself in others. If there are no needy people around I will either make myself the needy one or lose myself in my dog. And I don’t mean in a good way. I will work so hard to understand and fulfill the needs of those around me that I utterly lose my independent identity, while I busy myself being what they need.
I wrote those sentences in 2023. Re-reading them now, May 30 of 2025, I can happily report that I have overcome this habit in my day-to-day existence. That existence is, however, limited mostly to my home and the one other human and two dogs who share it with me. An article Jared read to me this morning may explain the resistance I feel to expanding my world beyond this cozy little circle.The Missing Women of Autism are Differently Different
But Venus has to take most of the responsibility.
Venus recently spent an extended retrograde journey through Aries and Pisces refining her desires in accordance with what she has learned since her last retrograde in Aries March of 2017. Not coincidentally, that is when I physically left my husband to rent a penthouse apartment in Los Angeles. Although I had filed for divorce on February 14 2017, the decision to leave our home and move to LA was sudden and un-premeditated, a compulsion to act which would not be denied. I understand now that Venus made me do it.
Venus, Goddess of Love, she who wants only peace, love, happiness, beauty and pleasure, has dual rulership over Libra and Taurus. With my Sun ruled by Libra, Venus rules over my Conscious Inner sense of Self in this Matrix. With my natal Saturn in Taurus, Venus also rules over my control of Self within the limitations and boundaries of three-dimensional time and space. Coupled with Jupiter and Neptune in my Rising Sign of Scorpio, Venus’ rulership over my outer experience of Self is as wide, deep and expansive as is her influence over my Conscious Inner Self, and my ability to cope with the limitations of living in this 3D Matrix.
Venus is feminine energy. She is a nurturer. She is mother, lover, goddess and warrior. She lives to make the world more beautiful, to make the lives of those living in it more enjoyable. She is the ultimate hostess. She thrives on spreading laughter and raising collective vibrations. She faces every challenge with a smile and a well-fitting toga. She will forgive you 700 times. But in Scorpio, on the seven hundred and first, she may raise her sword and swiftly cut off your head, then put on a dress and go dancing. Venus is not interested in being sad. She doesn’t let my Taurus Saturn keep me down for long with his rules and limitations, preferring to put those Saturn skills to work creating a new version of Happy.
So when Venus went retro in Aries in March 2017, seventeen months after XDH locked me up in a psyche ward, she decided it was not in our best interests to draw out the divorce or slowly deconstruct the home we had so lovingly created. She had given him 700 chances to be the man he professed to be. It was time to go. He was not worth dying over.
To be continued…