I didn’t think anyone was reading my blog, but I got a comment today asking “How do you plan to use your experience to help others going through similar struggles?”
Such a good question, and timely, because after 8 years of documenting my life with the intention of sharing it to support women struggling through similar circumstances, I have lost my Mojo. Now that I am firmly on The Other Side and have healed my heart, soul, body and mind, I’ve been wondering if I even want to do this blog anymore. Maybe what I thought was Destined was just here to give me some Purpose in life, and now that I have other people and passions to give me purpose, I can release The Blog.
Does sharing my unique story really matter? Aren’t there enough people already sharing their stories and inspiring others in their healing journey? Can’t I just spend a few years enjoying my newfound life as an Intuitive Artist? Can’t I just relax into the novelty of being a healthy, strong, pain-free, drama-free, stress-free, narc-free, apology-free, should-free woman of independence? The Blog has come lately to feel like a Should.
Astrologically I know, from listening to Molly, there is something coming into fruition that was first planted in May of 2018. I go to my photos, May 2018… Aha! My original Blog Launch Party, back when I lived in the penthouse and the blog was called Single and Hungry AF. I had a vision of the blog as a place where women escaping narcissists could come for inspiration, humor, advice and support. I had no idea how far I would descend into Hell before I began writing in earnest, and I stopped writing daily when my spine collapsed in 2023 because the pain was so severe. So really, I haven’t been writing regularly for 3 years. It is only natural that it feels a bit sticky.
In terms of preparedness, everything is ready. Jared and I are in our 6th year together and I have much to share about how to meaningfully connect with a man on the Aspergers spectrum, not to mention relationships in general and how to survive being thrown under the bus by your own children. Then there is the collapse and rebuilding of my spine, a story which makes self-healing accessible to all. I am only waiting for the final Xray in May to begin sharing how it happened and how I fixed it. Though apathetic and looking for excuses not to execute, I am ready to launch into sharing the story of my life and healing. It is a story worth telling.
Still, my apathy causes me to question the possible existence of some burgeoning aspect of my life that I might have overlooked… I also began sketching in 2018 and just finished setting up my Art Studio. Is it possible that what is being released is The Blog, and what is being birthed is the Artist within me? I look to my photos again…. not a single sketch until September 14. No, this isn’t a match. I did not begin sketching in May. I began blogging in May. Intuitive Healing Art will be a large part of my story, but the sharing of it via The Blog is what must now begin in earnest.
I return to my Birth Chart with this new information, searching for further clues in the planetary energies of the moment I chose to be born.
Looking to my 11th House of friends and groups in Virgo, the sign of organization and service, I find Mars, the action planet, alongside Mercury, the communicator, and Pluto (destroyer, transformer). This is a strong indication that my Path of Destiny lies in actionable communication amongst groups of people in a highly organized and potentially disruptive fashion. Further evidence that my path is a public one: My Midheaven (career point) is in Leo (the showy Lion) in partnership withe the naughty asteroid goddess Lilith who likes to shake shit up and have fun, potentially causing a bit of trouble along the way.
On the cusp of the 11th (friends and groups) and 12th house (Inner World) are my Sun (self) conjunct Uranus (disruptor). This placement explains why I tend to prefer a solitary, meditative existence but find myself drawn to publicly unleashing my inner extrovert by flying fiercely into the face of Convention.
As if this didn’t make the answer clear as shit in a pigsty, I also have Chiron (wounded healer) conjunct Vesta (goddess of hearth and home) opposite my midheaven and Lilith, meaning my career involves healing the many-generational rift between Vesta (Good Wife) and Lilith (Bad Girl). The integration of contradictory Feminine Energies has been the central arch of my personal journey these past ten years. Other Goddess placements and my life story in general suggest I came here with the specific intention of integrating Goddess energies on a large humanitarian scale.
It looks like the Blog wins… Why then this apathy? Shouldn’t I feel more driven? Have I simply gotten lazy? What advice would I give to my own child? What advice does my higher self have for me, I ask. And she answers:
“You’ve had this dream so long. You have so much to share with the world that is funny, poignant, liberating, inspiring, and maybe for some people even life-altering. You have been resting and growing in your Chrysalis. It is time to spread your wings. What you call reluctance is a natural part of this process. It means your ego is completely uninvolved. The truth is, you don’t have to do anything now but spread your wings and let the breeze carry you forth.”
Homeschool Mom chimes in: “If your rational mind requires further convincing to get on board with the unavoidable, I would say this…
“I think you owe it to your Future Self to give it one big push before you put it away. Make a contract with yourself: Post 3 times a week for 30 days. It doesn’t have to be much. No one is looking anyway. Just send a small gift to your future self every few days for 30 days, and if at the end of 30 days you still don’t care, then you have your answer and you can put it away knowing that is the right decision.”
Sound Advice. Let us begin.