How Tragedy Brings us Squarely into the Present Moment
“Total perception is only possible when we have released all expectations and hope.”
~ Sadhguru
The loss of everything that ever mattered to me was the greatest gift of my life. I had no choice but to release all expectations and abandon hope. Hope had become the enemy that would see me dead, and expectations evaporated with the loss of both past and future. I was left with nothing but the present moment to cling to. It very clearly, irrefutably, was the only thing that had ever truly existed.
“Total perception is only possible when we doubt our own beliefs.”
~ Sadhguru
For nothing that is real can be lost, and I had lost everything, which meant none of it had been real. I could either allow the cognitive dissonance to crush me with its weight of sorrow, or I could accept the obvious fact that I had been living an illusion for at least 20 years and open my heart to the miracle of the present moment for healing.
“Total perception is only possible when we are able to suspend prior knowledge and see with fresh eyes.”
~ Sadhguru
As I sifted through the rubble of my past I searched for clues as to the destruction of the life I had built with such loving care. Releasing what I thought I knew, I began to look at what was left, without adherence to past memories or imagined futures.
“Total perception is only possible when we are open without resistance to questions and problems”
~ Sadhguru
Questioning had always been my M.O. Now release became the spiritual skill I would have to master before I could clear the ground to build a fresh foundation.
“Total perception is only possible when we start questioning everyone and everything.”
~ Sadhguru
Tragic, life altering loss has a way of causing us to question everything we ever believed about ourselves and the world around us.
“Total perception is only possible when we stop looking at and interpreting life with the rational mind.”
~ Sadhguru
For the rational egoic mind, which lives by recognizable patterns and perceived truths, the descent into chaos that accompanies profound betrayal and loss can lead to an unsurvivable level of cognitive dissonance. When faced with the very real truth that nothing is or ever was as my mind had perceived it, the motherboard crashed. Attachments to past and future were finally seen for the dangerous illusions they are. All that was left was questions without answers.
“Total perception is only possible when we drop our habit of existing in survival mode, chasing happiness and avoiding pain.”
~ Sadhguru
The greater the mind fuck, the more complete the destruction of the rational mind’s ability to subconsciously exist in survival mode, seeking pleasure, avoiding pain, making assumptions and decisions based on memories of past experience. Either you recognize the mind fuck for what it is and school the brain to acceptance, or you allow it to drive you completely mad.
“Total perception is only possible when we drop fear of that which is uncertain.”
~ Sadhguru
Acceptance of uncertainty, acceptance of chaos, acceptance of pain, acceptance of cognitive dissonance, acceptance of the fact that not one of my questions had a clear answer.
“Total perception is only possible when we stop behaving based on our preconceived notions.”
~ Sadhguru
An entirely new paradigm of existence would be required before I could even consider building a new life. By definition, it would have to be a paradigm beyond the limits of my imagination.
“Total perception is only possible when we do not let either love or hate blind our senses.”
~ Sadhguru
Certain parties instrumental in the annihilation of my world were blinded by resentment (which is projected envy and shame), the most powerful tool in the ego’s arsenal. I was blinded by love, fear of abandonment, and my inability to see that my relationships were shaped by our minds’ conditioned patterns of fear shame, and conflict avoidance.
“Total perception is only possible when we look at what is not and what must be.”
~ Sadhguru
I had to learn to question everyone and everything, even my own mind, and to be content that most of my questions would go unanswered. In releasing all attachment to the past and the future, I found myself in the only place left, the eternal present, where the only requirement was to examine wholeheartedly the conflict that had descended so unexpectedly on my happy family and learn to remain unattached to all previous and future experiences. I would have to grow new eyes, because apparently I had been flying blind.
“Total perception is only possible when we are comfortable waiting.”
~ Sadhguru
I would have to get comfortable waiting calmly for the dust to settle, without expectations based on preconceived notions.
“Total perception is only possible when we we are able to notice warning signs.”
~ Sadhguru
I would have to accept that my fear of being alone and my yearning for a soul connection had caused me to ignore every warning sign on my journey heretofore.
“Total perception is only possible when we can look at our patterns of avoiding conflict.”
~ Sadhguru
I would have to observe and notice the weaknesses of the mind and to wholeheartedly embrace the terrifying, heart breaking uncertainty that was now my only companion.
“Total perception is only possible when we embrace uncertainty wholeheartedly.”
~ Sadhguru
In my quest for wholehearted acceptance of and release from the weight of my tragic loss, I was finally learning to listen to my Self – the higher one who sees all without judgement and loves without condition.
“Total perception is only possible when we observe only with our senses.”
~ Sadhguru
I was learning to observe with not just my mind, but with my senses and with my heart. I was learning that only when I stopped needing to know would the answers start to come. Not in worldly knowledge, but in the deeper knowing of the spirit that has died only to discover there is no death, only eternal cycles of rebirth.